Confessions, Part ll
The other confession? You know how I pissed and moaned about Mia sleeping in the bed with us and wrote a gazillion posts about how I was going to put a stop to that?
And then I bought that toddler bed and she was sleeping in it, even though it was still in our room? And I made a big huge deal about the whole thing?
Bwahahahahahaha
That lasted for a few days. And now she's back to sleeping with us.
I had to figure out what bothered me most about her being in our bed before I made another attempt at putting her back in the toddler bed. After talking it over with the hubs, it was clear to me that I was most concerned about what my mommy-friends thought and said about it, rather than her actually being in the bed with me.
I was able to let that go and be ok, if not somewhat proud (as weird as that sounds), with it and now I am so much happier and relaxed about putting her to sleep.
You know, my life is a LOT different than my friends lives. For one, I write a blog and I social network a lot to try and keep the blog relevant. No joke, but most of the "friends" I talk to throughout the day are you guys, my online friends, my Twitter followers, and most of all, my fellow Weddingbee gals. I don't know what I would do without people like Amber, Jenna, Kim and my other online mom friends. My 2 closest friends here, New Friend Shannon and RFT, are really amazing ladies, but they don't do Twitter and that stuff (Shannon writes a blog though!) and they have busier lives than me. Shannon has 2 kids and RFT has a full time job.
Mia takes one nap a day, anywhere from 12 to 1:30 for a couple if hours. No set nap time, I just let her go to sleep when she's tired. Sometimes she falls asleep in her car seat, and sometimes in the stroller if we're out and about and that's ok. She sleeps, and I get my errands done. Win/Win. But right now, I'm writing this post while she sleeps right next to me.
If I have a blog to write or some Tweets to read, I can do it while she naps. If I don't have that, then I can lay down with her and watch an hour of uninterrupted TV, read a book on my Kindle or look at the Internet on my phone. Or, the best part- I can take a nap with her. So, there's a win.
The hubs works most evenings, so Mia gets in bed with me. When he gets home, he likes to see her too since he works literally all day, everyday, and 5 out of 7 nights. It's fun to be a family and watch TV and chat, even if she's asleep. We really do like having her in here, as un-relatable as that sounds to so many people.
Once I realized that I was only concerned about what other people thought and not so much about the issue, that's when I decided to say "forget it" and let her sleep in here.
I have to admit, it took a while for me to fess up to my friends about it, but today I finally told RFT- and she laughed at me -but I was fine. I'm the only one fully understands my situation, and to be honest- it's a pretty great one. Mia is snoring really loud right now, but she's happy, I'm happy, and we'll probably do this for a while.
And puleeeezzeee don't give me that BS about how I'm gonna be sorry when she's 10 and still in our bed. I don't believe that or any of the other BS about social issues later in life. I never read (or read into) those kinds of things. You all know thats SO not my style!
There's my confession.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
posted by OMGmom @ 2:36 PM
37 Comments:
Dude, I do that too--worry too much about my life/parenting/whatever not because I'm actually concerned with the issue at hand, but because I'm concerned about how I'm seen by other people.
Why do we do that to ourselves? It's no way to live.
Keep Mia there as long as it works for you--worry about changing it when it stops working. Nuff said.
You rock my world Mandy, don't you forget it.
Thank you for writing this! I love having my baby sleep in the bed with me, but I am embarrassed to tell other people that because I think they're going to think I'm weird or clingy or that my kid is going to be messed up/never willing to sleep in her own bed. So I always have to justify it when it comes up in conversation with things like how I'm back at work and it's easier than having to get up when she cries (even though she pretty much sleeps through the night). This makes me feel so much better and less weird. Thank you!
P.S. Obviously I'm not over it, though, because I'm posting this anonymously so that my friends that read your blog won't know it's me. So I suck, but you still made me feel better.
Yay!!!! I'm so glad everyone is happy! Thanks for looking after YOU and MIA! That's what is important! Way to go Mommy!
I am so glad you were able to let go of the SHITE that other mommies were putting on you, whether they tried to (as some did) or didn't mean to but inadvertently did.
DO YOU and f everyone else :)
I'm so proud of you!!! My baby is crying, gotta go.
I don't know if I've commented before (I think maybe not), but I have been reading your blog for about a year now and I just wanted to let you know I love it (I get a little excited when I see "OMG! I'm a Mom!" popping up in my google reader is that sad?). I am not a mom (yet) but I appreciate your realistic and honest point of view. It makes me feel better about whenever it is in the future that I have kids and no doubt will be FAR from a perfect parent.
Crap I just reread my comment and I hope it doesn't come off snotty or like I think you're a bad parent! It's obvious you love Mia and she is extremely well taken care of (and lucky to have such a dedicated mom).
I can so relate to feeling pressure to do things a different way than you might if you didn't have a blog/friends who would judge you (not that I have judgmental friends, human beings are just judgmental in general). ANYWAY I wanted to tell you I really identified with this post. P doesn't sleep with us, something I'm very happy about, but there was a period of time when we first moved into our apartment here in Chicago when P slept in the bathtub. Yep, the bathtub! I still don't really talk about it much because I don't feel like getting ripped apart, but it really worked for us. We didn't feel like setting up his swing again, we knew he was going to outgrow it soon, and so we filled the extra tub with pillows and blankets to make a nice cushion and that's where he slept (and now people are freaking out about him sleeping with pillows and blankets, etc etc). I feel like this post helped me make peace with that a little bit, to realize that sometimes I don't have to listen to what *everyone else* says and that I'm not screwing him up for life with these little decisions I make on a day to day basis. There are many, many, many cultures where kids spend all of their time with their parents, and it's fine. We are very... I don't know the term... culturist? In America we think our culture and the way we do things is best. That's just silly.
Oh, and I don't know if I'm the Jenna you listed above but if so I'm flattered. My relationship with women has changed over the years, I don't have close friends the way I used to in college when I lived with them and would see them every day. Now I have this little circle of online friends who I really feel like I can depend on when I need emotional support, and you're one of them. I'm really grateful for that. On this same topic, sometimes I feel dumb or like I'm doing it wrong when I admit that to myself, that I don't have real-life girlfriends who I chat on the phone with and go out for girls nights with. But that just isn't ME. I'm really happy writing on my blog and posting on Twitter and enjoying my family. It's nice to know there are others like me.
Although I've only been a momma for a short amount of time, I am no where near ready to put my babe in a crib in a whole 'nother room away from me. I'm hoping she can sleep in her bassinett until she's at least 2 so she's right by me! I do sleep with her in my bed since she's such a snuggler. I love that you are so open and honest hard as you think it might be sometimes!
I ask this honestly and not in a judgmental way at all, but just out sheer curiosity (and feel free not to answer if it makes you uncomfortable), but how do you and your husband manage sex with Mia sleeping in the bed? Do you gently move her to the toddler bed for awhile and then back or...? That was my main apprehension with allowing our daughter to sleep in the bed- I don't judge people for doing it at all (and I certainly don't think any kids grow up with "issues" because of it) but I'm just too selfish, and I was worried if I started out letting her sleep in the bed with us, it would make it really hard to enjoy sex on a regular basis without dealing with the logistics of moving her or... I don't know, going to the guest room or whatever! That's always been my main curiosity about co-sleeping, I guess; how the parents manage their "alone time" with the baby in the bed. I hope this doesn't come off as me judging you- I'm totally not, I just figure you might enlighten me as to how parents whose children sleep in the same bed work this out.
We go to one of the guestrooms. Theres one right next to our bedroom. It great because then we don't have to worry about sleeping in sex sheets. LOL
Go girl! I used to love sleeping with my mom when my dad was working late or out doing some sort of lawyer-y thing. I felt so special! Mia is lucky.
I think it's important to do what you feel comfortable with and what makes you and Mia happy. So who freaking cares what anyone else thinks? You know? She sure looks cute sleeping!
I love your blog. I love that you're a real mom! I used to co-sleep with my son because my husband worked nights, and I didn't like sleeping alone. Then when he was about 3 he decided he wanted to sleep in his own bed. However, now he wakes up in the middle of the night and climbs into our bed. So he falls asleep in his own bed, but eventually winds up with us. I don't worry about it. I don't see many 8 year olds sleeping with their parents (not that it's a bad thing), I think children will grow out of co-sleeping when they are ready to.
And don't worry about other mom's, they just like to make other people feel bad about parenting so they can feel good. Only the parents know the right way to raise their kid.
Our 9 month old daughter sleeps with us and I too feel a bit ashamed admitting it to some of our friends, for whatever reason. It works for us and we're all happy...thanks for the update. Is the toddler bed still in your room?
I think it's interesting that you will have people from all ends of the spectrum as to what is "right" and "wrong" in parenting and that as mothers we feel so obligated to justify our choices. You have to do what works for you. Your style of parenting sounds like "Attachment Parenting" and there are many many many theories as to why it's WAY more beneficial (and I'm sure there's tons out there too that state the latter). Try reading The Attachment Parenting Book by Dr. Sears - I think it might interest you.
Reading this as my son snoozes right next to me :) My husband also works most evenings so this is just easier and more comforting. I know it won't last forever so I'm enjoying it!
I have been waiting for the post when you finally felt liberated from all the BS of being judged by other Mommies. You really are too hard on yourself! Co-sleeping is a beautiful thing. I have a 9 month old son and I put him to sleep in his crib (we didn't start doing that until he was 6 months old) and whenever he wakes up in the night we just bring him into our bed and everyone sleeps better. My husband sounds a lot like your husband in that he loves having him with us in bed, especially since he works all day. Here is my mommy confession: My son still needs me for every nap in some way---he falls asleep nursing in my arms, Ergo if we are out, or, if I am lucky, he falls asleep in the stroller or car seat. Most people absolutely cannot fathom that I do this everyday and think I am crazy for not just letting him cry himself to sleep. I have really come to a place of acceptance that this is just what he needs from me right now and I am willing to do it for him. I think many people who do CIO have a vested interest in getting others to do it too for some reason. You always see friends championing it on FB and saying that it is best for the child and urging others on as they grapple with how to get their child to sleep better. I do not believe that anyone can claim that one style is best for every child. I believe that some children respond well to CIO, while for others it is actually cruel because they do not have the capacity for self-soothing and no amount of crying will teach them. I try to keep an open mind and think about the individual child's needs. Maybe my next child will be more independent and CIO may be more appropriate? Maybe I will be a slightly different Mommy for other children? We are all just doing the best we can. Thanks for your honesty!
Sometimes we go get one of our sleeping kids out of bed and bring them to our bed, just to snuggle. You're def not weird...I love a snuggly baby in bed. And when we need alone time...we just sneak off to the guest room ;)
Love your blog. Our little one still sleeps with us too.
Can we be friends? K. Thanks.
I feel exactly the same way. Our 7 month old sleeps with us and I LOVE it. I just have to ignore the guilt about what other moms think. We still are working on the whole sex thing, as we aren't lucky enough to have a guest bedroom...I enjoy having him in bed with us more than I would enjoy sex. That sounds horrible. But that's my confession.
No worries, my little sister (now 11, I'm quite a bit older) slept with my parents for a long time, it's just the way it was. She was very anxious at night by herself and my parents would rather her just start out in their bed than have her come find them crying at 3am. She is now a fully functioning, very smart, sleeping in her own bed, very independant 11 year old. I think if it makes your family happy than who care what everyone else thinks! :)
Both my daughters co-slept and I would not change a thing! They are now 10 and 12 and trust me, they are not still sleeping with us. When I do have an opportunity to lay down and snuggle with them (usually when they are sick), I soak it up! You do what works for YOU and MIA. They grow up so fast!
You know, you do what works for you and you don't let other moms say boo about it. So many moms are all Judgy McJudgerson about other families, and I just don't get that. What works for one may not work for another, so why people always feel the need to push their own opinions and judge other people's choices is beyond me. I say good for you.
It's good to hear you are doing what works for you guys and not what other ppl think you should be doing. My son is 2 and usually sleeps in his own bed, but on the weekends I make him sleep with me : ) I work full time during the day and my bf is a SAHD, so during the week I go to bed before he (my son) does, but on the weekends it's cuddle time with mommy!
Is is bad that I don't have any real "girlfriends"? I had my first daughter when I was 19 then my second at 21. All my friends, except for one, just wanted to go out and drink and that's not my thing. I just want to be a good mom and not worry about what other people think. I think this post is great and it made me feel better about my life with just one close friend. That's not bad, right? I don't have time for more friends than that.
We're having #7 any day now, and we don't have a crib (or pack 'n play).
He is sleeping with us, just like 2 of our other kids as well.
The remaining kids are out of our bed, with no problems. They don't want to sleep with you forever, ours moved out on their own.
And we obviously manage the sex just fine, lol.
1) I most likely will cosleep with my little one
DESPITE THE FACT THAT
2) My brother slept with my parents until he was 12 years old.....! It happens!
..... and he's pretty well-adjusted.
Does Mia sleep right through the night when she sleeps with you? I STILL struggle with my 8 month old son waking up every 2 hours at night. He sleeps in my daughter's room and I miss him immensely but my boyfriend doesnt want him in our room. Any suggestions on how to get my son to sleep longer in the night???
I put myself to bed every night when I was younger b/c my parents were always working, and I would always tell my mom to come keep me company for a little bit when she was done. (I later learned she actually never did b/c I was already fast asleep by then, lol.) On cold nights, or when we were just feeling extra snuggly, I'd hop into bed with my parents too. I think we can all remember one point in our lives when we grew out of wanting to sleep with our parents, so I suspect Mia will be just fine and you should go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts. :T
Mandy, I love your blog and having been reading for, oh geez, over a year now I think. This is my first time commenting though. Anyway, I have an eight month old and we've co-slept from day 1, and we'll continue to do so until one of us doesn't like it anymore. I'm in no hurry to kick him out of our bed and neither is my husband. I really think babies (and yes young children too) should sleep with their parents. It's normal and natural and really, it's how we evolved as a species. When we lived out in the wild we didn't stash our kid under some bush while we went a slept somewhere else. Nope, we kept them close to our bodies so we could protect them... and although we now live in the modern world, that instinctual need hasn't changed. So long story short, I totally support your decision to keep Mia in your bed. Anyone who gives you shit about it can just stfu.
Mandy,
First time commenter and reader, and I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog at this time! My son is 9 months old and we are co-sleeping, but we tried many, many things before I finally was ok with it.... and my problem all along was also how other mommies reacted and/or were putting their children to bed. Thankfully, I am blessed with an amazing husband, who has seen through all of my doubts, that this is what our son does best with, and I do too, it turns out! But I didn't realize it until I let go of others perception. Aren't the snuggles and peace of these sleeping babes just priceless? Many of our best and most fun moments happen when T is getting ready to sleep, he is just so content, playful, and happy co-sleeping. I wouldn't change a thing!...
My Little Man co-sleeps and I love it! People give me a hard-time all the time but at the end of the day it makes us happy.
You can never win with the mommy world, so don't worry about trying to score on either side. :) I never know who is on what team on which issue - but I just do :) Baby M wouldn't cuddle in bed with me if her life depended on it since month 4, so while I win in the "baby in bed" argument, I'm a cruel human being in the attachment crowd ;) and I'm back to a zero-sum game.
And if that was a special Shout-out to me -- thank you! My online mom friends hold a special place in my heart!
Totally unrelated to this cute post but...I didn't know about your blog and I haven't seen you since your weddingbee days but your baby is so big! Wow time flies. How precious! Good luck w/ your new years resolutions!
good for you for realizing the reason you were worried about it and for realizing that what other people think doesnt really matter! Way to go for doing what is best for you and your sweety!
I had similar sleeping issues with my daughter. My husband and I parent her differently then our parents did us, and the friends who told me the bs about her being with us in bed until she was 10... well they didn't have kids. (shes now 2 and sleeps in her own room)I from the beginning of parenting decided I was going to do what is best for HER not anyone else. Listen to your instincts.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home